Never writing

I'm constantly reminding myself to start writing. I think I have cool article ideas; and, then I just don't write. It frustrates me. But I still don't write. So tonight I figured I'd just start writing to try to break the spell.

Only thing I can think of off the top of my head is we went out and bought a mattress tonight and I learned from the guy who sold is a mattress that Sears started the Discover card. I was skeptical, but I just checked the Wikipedia page tonight. It checks out.

I also talked myself into finally working more on the woodworking project I started for my wife. I start things and get really excited at first but the second the fine, boring details pop up, that's when the procrastinating starts. The second I actually just sit down and do it, I actually like it and it feels fulfilling, but that's been my MO for as long as I can remember. Things like sanding, and exacto kniving the excess wood glue from the work piece is relatively easy stuff, it's just boring so I  put it off. The frustration I have in myself for not finishing is intense and in spurts, but not prolonged enough to go down and just do it.

A concept I was just thinking of was writing with economy of words. But I also like writing the way I talk (which definitely is not with economy of words). I just listed to between the world and me and the author uses words incredibly efficiently. Like he's always thinking of how to make his writing like a poem. I learned a lot from that book and it challenged my way of thinking, and I regularly have internal debates with myself about the book. Mostly about the subject matter, but also about the wiring style itself. It's very impressive, and it has me wanting to practice poetry/writing more efficiently. Obviously it's not working for this post, but this was more so just to break the slump of not writing.

Writing is important because it makes your mind think differently. After reading a few "dummies" guides to coding (various languages) I'd imagine coding regularly world also keep your brain thinking in different frameworks. I'm sure music is the same. I don't know why that's important, but I'm nearly certain it is.

Thought of this recently...Sure someone else out there said it it thought it but...if you know more than me, I'd love to learn. If you know everything stay the fuck away.

This makes me think of "media". People just yell their truths the loudest and/ot the most frequently or with the most "people" on their side. They try to make you feel stupid or guilty or some other negative emotion if you don't think their way instead of trying to teach. People are freakishly embarrassed to admit real time that they're just learning something or they didn't know something. It's depressing, because that's becoming the currency of today's ideas. That's a not quite right way of explaining it but it's the closest I could get.

I like being by myself and not listening to other people for long stretches. I like not having to have an opinion for that whole time. I'll debate myself but sometimes still feel the guilt of the outside world creep in when really I just need to push the debate harder. Feel the discomfort of the various internal questions and points of view but have the strength of mind to remind myself that none of it is "real". It's the safest form of debate I could possibly have, and it's my own. No one else could have the pain of my muscles when I lift weights. No one needs that of the pain of my brain, when I exercise it. It's mine.